Anticipation and anxiety

Today, in an effort to not prolong my blog hiatus, I will write about some of the "anticipations" on my mind. I am not sure anticipation is the right word for some of these things. Dictionary.com tells me anticipation is expectation or hope. I am definitely hopeful, but I would also add anxious. As a preface to this list I must add I have been a little more hormonal lately. So alas this may be the product of some inconsistent moods (and should I hit publish??) But here is what is on my mind anyway:

1. Not knowing where I will be next week.
I just was rolled off my project in Ann Arbor, so now I am in the process of finding a new project. This is fairly overwhelming, and I am still trying to acclimate to the idea that I really can't plan too far ahead. Such is the life of a consultant. But I am looking forward to starting something new.



2. Having another Birthday...
My birthday is Sunday, and while I am still quite young, it has been unsettling lately how time has flown. I also am slightly anxious at the diminishing significance of birthdays. I really like my birthday, but it may pass by more insignificant this year than in years past. It snuck up on me.

3. Paying off these dangblasted loans
I dont think I have talked too much about this on my blog, but my U-M education had a big price tag that creates a heavy weight on my mind (and my pocketbook). Each day these loans come up at least 3-4 times, and it is a constant worry deciding what to spend, how to spend it and if I really NEED whatever it is I am thinking about. I feel so fortunate to have a job and to have had the privilege of an U-M education, but I definitely anticipate, hope, and will turn a million backflips when these loans are payed off (3-ish years).


4. Starting a [Bigger] Family
John and I don't feel ready to have kiddos yet, but I feel great anticipation (coupled with a stronger dose of anxiety) for when that day will come. Am I really going to be patient enough? Will I try to kill my children/husband? Can I keep up my positive attitude? Will I have enough energy? How on earth will I keep my house clean? I am really looking forward to having children. I love holding sweet new babies, seeing them just about brings tears to my eyes. But it scares me often how monumentally they will change my life.

These are just a few of the things on my mind right now, thanks for reading. I am not usually inclined to sharing my non-cheerful feelings (worry, stress etc) because somehow I don't think it is usally appropriate or very fun. But hopefully you will to know me better and help me express myself (just in case I fooled you into thinking that I am always happy, positive and full of energy).