Anticipation and anxiety

Today, in an effort to not prolong my blog hiatus, I will write about some of the "anticipations" on my mind. I am not sure anticipation is the right word for some of these things. Dictionary.com tells me anticipation is expectation or hope. I am definitely hopeful, but I would also add anxious. As a preface to this list I must add I have been a little more hormonal lately. So alas this may be the product of some inconsistent moods (and should I hit publish??) But here is what is on my mind anyway:

1. Not knowing where I will be next week.
I just was rolled off my project in Ann Arbor, so now I am in the process of finding a new project. This is fairly overwhelming, and I am still trying to acclimate to the idea that I really can't plan too far ahead. Such is the life of a consultant. But I am looking forward to starting something new.



2. Having another Birthday...
My birthday is Sunday, and while I am still quite young, it has been unsettling lately how time has flown. I also am slightly anxious at the diminishing significance of birthdays. I really like my birthday, but it may pass by more insignificant this year than in years past. It snuck up on me.

3. Paying off these dangblasted loans
I dont think I have talked too much about this on my blog, but my U-M education had a big price tag that creates a heavy weight on my mind (and my pocketbook). Each day these loans come up at least 3-4 times, and it is a constant worry deciding what to spend, how to spend it and if I really NEED whatever it is I am thinking about. I feel so fortunate to have a job and to have had the privilege of an U-M education, but I definitely anticipate, hope, and will turn a million backflips when these loans are payed off (3-ish years).


4. Starting a [Bigger] Family
John and I don't feel ready to have kiddos yet, but I feel great anticipation (coupled with a stronger dose of anxiety) for when that day will come. Am I really going to be patient enough? Will I try to kill my children/husband? Can I keep up my positive attitude? Will I have enough energy? How on earth will I keep my house clean? I am really looking forward to having children. I love holding sweet new babies, seeing them just about brings tears to my eyes. But it scares me often how monumentally they will change my life.

These are just a few of the things on my mind right now, thanks for reading. I am not usually inclined to sharing my non-cheerful feelings (worry, stress etc) because somehow I don't think it is usally appropriate or very fun. But hopefully you will to know me better and help me express myself (just in case I fooled you into thinking that I am always happy, positive and full of energy).

Blog Abandonment & Mass Chaos

Hello Blog World!
I have missed you- have you missed me?

I just finished my last midterm before break and it feels great. Well, kind of great. Maybe I am a freak, but when I get really busy certain things in my life kind of collapse. Collapse, get scrambled and out of control, and when I finally get to the end, (say my last midterm) it is time to pick up the mess! I feel like this happens as a cycle throughout the semester. I start out in normalcy, on a set schedule and by the end of the semester--> MASS CHAOS.

Examples of mass chaos may include:
-floor of my bedroom= my new not so organized shelf. That you can't see.
-emails- unresponded but "starred" so that one day they get a response. eeks.
-Laundry was done, but somehow (even being clean) has coated the not so organized shelf of my floor...
-appointments- missed, skipped, intentionally slept through (who wants allergy shots anyway??)
-occasionally skipping class- because sleep schedule is OUT OF CONTROL
-The omelette guy at the cafeteria has been asking... "where have you been?" due to excessive sleeping in.


Okay- So I am a drama queen, and a stress freak. But I am kind of dreading getting off work tonight because I have to clean up my mess. I am excited to go to Texas (and to take that much needed shower- I promise it hasn't been that long!), but I really have a lot of organizing and list making to do to be ready to start all over again in a week.

Maybe one day I will learn from my mass chaos experiences, but until next time--> it's off to clean up my mess.

p.s. Coming soon: I have some pictures of me during my freshman year under "mass chaos". Maybe all the brilliant friends I have will help me discover coping mechanisms...

Accomplishment: What I did today

So, maybe I am just slightly pathetic and feel overwhelmed by all my tasks. But, realistically I always feel like there is so much more ahead of me than what I have accomplished, and lately this has just made me want to curl up in a ball and quit. Yes, quit. EVERYTHING. So as illogical as this may be, it is my mind and it is my mind's prerogative (I have little control over the downward spiral of these worries). So in attempt to combat the mind, I am just going to briefly cover ALL that I accomplished today, because it was a good day.
7:15 shower, makeup and hair (woah, a lot more than usual)
8:00 Bus to central campus
8:30-10 Marketing Class. I presented a project I have logged over 45 hours on in group meetings, which is worth 30% of my grade. Yep, big deal. And, I ROCKED IT!
10:00-11 Meeting with LHC group to review upcoming presentation
11:00 Lunch at East Quad
11:30-1 LHC (class)- Presented the group project (probably had about 8 meetings to prepare up to this date)
1:15-2Marketing Research Experiment, basically I have to do this to pass my mkt class
2-2:30 Visited American Express Office Hours, I would really like to work for them.
2:30-5 Napped at the Institute. 4 hours of sleep didn't do it the night before
5-6:30 Attended American Express Corporate Presentation
6:30-7:45 Met with Phil to discuss Activities Committee
8:00 Went to the Chamber Orchestra Show with John
10:00 Went to Kroger, then watched Over the Hedge with John and roomates
12:15Arrived back at dorm for the first time since the morning
12:15-Current: Surfed, sent ward emails and wrote in my blog.

I think it is time for bed. Thanks for reading, not every day is like this. I had to write though, because I spent the entire orchestra show plaguing my mind with all I had to do and wouldn't be able to do. BUT LOOK! I have already done so much!

Kristin "working on my mental health issues" Bates

My Dorm Room

This is my desk, I think it has a real sense of my personality. Hopeful, crafty and not exactly organized!